Should Christians Attend Same-Sex Weddings?

Should Christians attend same-sex weddings?

For all of recorded human history, marriage was seen only as something that happened between a man and a woman. That changed in 2001 when the Netherlands became the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage.

Since that time, nearly 40 countries around the world have legalized same-sex marriage as well, including the United States in 2015. It may surprise you to hear that only 1 in 5 countries worldwide have legalized such a union, given how much publicity and attention homosexual behavior now receives, but that is simply a product of living in the (predominantly white) Western world, where 25 of those 40 countries are in Europe and North America. Most of the world (rightly) does not recognize same-sex unions as marriage.

However, if you are reading this, you likely live in a country where same-sex unions are legal. For Christians who believe sex is a good gift given by God to be enjoyed in the context of a covenantal marriage between one man and one woman, but who at the same time may have real relationships with those who have same-sex attraction and want to marry one day, is it right to attend such a wedding? That’s what this article is about.

Instead of burying the lede in the hopes that you’ll keep reading, I will come out and say it: I find it extremely unwise for Christians to attend a same-sex wedding. Below are a few reasons why.

First, and briefly, Scripture is not unclear about God’s design for sexual behavior. God created humans in his image as male and female (Genesis 1:26–28). In Genesis 2, we see the first marriage in the Bible, and in Genesis 2:24, we are told that a man and a woman become one flesh in marriage.

Jesus affirms this in Matthew 19:4–6 as well as Mark 10:6–9, where he restates Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. Throughout both the Old and New Testaments, marriage is consistently described as a union between a man and a woman (Proverbs 5:18–19; Malachi 2:14–15; 1 Corinthians 7:2–5; Ephesians 5:22–33; Colossians 3:18–19; 1 Peter 3:1–7, among many others). This means that, biblically speaking, there really is no such thing as same-sex marriage, as by definition marriage is a lifelong covenantal commitment between a man and a woman.

Therefore, we are literally changing the definition of marriage when we say people of the same sex can marry. But I digress. My point here is simply to show that God’s good design for marriage was and is not for people of the same sex.

In addition, all sexual activity outside the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman is clearly sinful (both heterosexual and homosexual). Let me quickly reference just one (of the many passages) that demonstrates this. In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, he states in Matthew 5:27–28:

“You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Much could be said about this passage, but here I simply want to point out that even having lustful intent towards someone you are not married to, to say nothing of acting on it with them, is sinful. On top of that, there are six explicit references to same-sex sexual activity in the Scriptures (Genesis 19:1–11; Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:26–27; 1 Corinthians 6:9–10; 1 Timothy 1:9–10), and all of them define it as sinful and immoral activity.

Again, the Bible is not unclear on this issue, even if there is no explicit Bible verse that says “don’t attend a same-sex wedding” (though, for what it is worth, that would not be something any of the biblical writers would have needed to warn against in their contexts anyway). Not only that, but as Christians, we should never affirm or applaud sinful behavior. For example:

To attend a same-sex wedding is to give public affirmation to something God explicitly condemns. Even if you were to have a private conversation with the couple getting married beforehand, saying something to the effect of “I love you, I disagree with what you are doing, but I will attend because I care for you,” this does not make attending the same-sex wedding biblically wise or appropriate for two reasons:

This is not to say declining such a wedding invitation isn’t an emotionally difficult decision, especially if it is a close friend getting married. Especially, especially if it is a family member whom you love, and you know your non-attendance will create significant relational friction (and potentially cause them to cut you out of their life).

But believers are called to do hard things. Jesus says anyone who wants to follow him must deny themselves and take up their cross daily (Luke 9:23). If Jesus has our greatest allegiance, we must follow him even if the repercussions are unpleasant.

That being said, let me give another example to bring greater clarity to the wisdom of not attending a same-sex wedding. Same-sex behavior is a culturally acceptable practice in our day. And any culturally acceptable sin is emotionally harder to stand up against. So let’s use a culturally unacceptable example to show why attending same-sex weddings is unwise for a Christian.

Would you attend a wedding between an adult and a minor, where the adult is a known and practicing pedophile? (Such a marriage would generally be illegal today, but just track with me here.) The answer to that would be a clear and obvious “no.”

Would you attend the wedding of a brother and sister in an incestuous relationship? The answer to that would be a clear and obvious “no.”

Now let me ask you to consider this question. If you would not attend a wedding between an adult and a minor, why would you attend a same-sex wedding? If you would not attend an incestuous wedding, why would you attend a same-sex wedding? In all of these cases, the wedding taking place is morally wrong. And yet, we only become hesitant or conflicted about the same-sex wedding scenario. Here is why:

Because homosexuality is a culturally acceptable sin, while pedophilia and incest are not.

We don’t feel the need to “support” a pedophile. We don’t feel the need to “support” a rapist. We don’t feel the need to “support” a murderer. I'm not suggesting these sins are all equally severe. I'm simply pointing out that we don't feel pressure to affirm behavior that our culture also recognizes as wrong. So why should that change simply because some sins are culturally acceptable? While you can still love, pray for, and desire repentance for people who engage in these sins, we feel no need to “support” them in their sinful decisions.

And so, I would find it profoundly unwise to attend an event whose sole focus is to celebrate something the Bible calls sin. And while I think it unwise to attend a same-sex wedding, you might have noticed I have not said attending a same-sex wedding is a sin.

To be sure, I do think it may very well be sinful to attend a same-sex wedding. However, I hesitate to say it is always sinful because Scripture does not explicitly address attending such a wedding. There could be circumstances where attending would not be sinful (even if I personally cannot think of any). But I would be hard-pressed to imagine a situation where attending would be the right decision.

To summarize, same-sex behavior is sinful. Christians are not to endorse, affirm, or celebrate sin. And a wedding ceremony is a public celebration and affirmation of two people coming together in marriage.

Doing the right thing is not always the easy thing. But we must decide whether or not we will follow God’s Word or the world. Allegiance to Jesus means following his way, even when his way is hard and the fallout is quite difficult.

Attending a same-sex wedding would be profoundly unwise for a Christian. Therefore, Christians should not attend same-sex weddings.